“I was blindsided as to what was happening. I didn’t realise the support I was going to need. I didn’t realise what was happening at the time. I just knew that this was bigger than what it should have been.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
– Parent, BTHKTH research
As Aboriginal people we know and understand the connection we have with our children and what this means to us, but this continues to be questioned by colonial systems. Try to remember that you will always be a parent no matter what systems say.
What you are going through is one of the hardest experiences any parent will ever go through, it is deep grief, pain and for many an injustice. It is very easy to want to push people away right now, to disconnect from everyone, and try not to feel what you are feeling. Ask yourself, what do I need to stay strong in the face of this system? What is important to me? Staying connected is very important.
Community understands, and this is what makes our mob strong, because we are connected through our stories, and sadly through our grief. You are accepted as you are because you are more than what has happened to you.
Many parents speak about feeling alone when their children are taken. You may want to find people to be there for you in ways that work for you. You might want to think about who you can go to for different things.
Some parents said if you are not connected with your local community, reach out and make those connections, and let your supporters see you as you are. Parent’s also said they disconnected from community because they didn’t want to experience shame, judgement and questions about having the children taken. There is strength in maintaining cultural connections and Community can be one of those ways of staying connected.
Not everyone will understand and you do not want to open yourself up to opinions and comments from people who do not have understanding of the system, people who lack empathy, and are careless with their words.
Recognise people who are safe and unsafe to talk openly to. If they are a mandatory reporter, they could be a risk to you and your family. Be mindful that you cannot discuss what is happening in Court with just anyone. Talk to your lawyer or advocate about who you can or cannot talk to.
There is a good chance the NSW Department of Communities and Justice (DCJ) have already talked to your family members before they talk to you. This can make you feel blindsided or betrayed, especially if you don’t know who DCJ has spoken to. They may say things that are true but they may also say things that are not true.
Other Aboriginal family members may be worried about what DCJ will do to them or kids in their care. To protect themselves they may pretend to agree with DCJ so they could keep a relationship with their children or your children. If your child is placed with kin, they might be asked to limit their contact with you. Both the kinship carer and yourself should speak to DCJ about how this is impacting your relationship and the support that they might have previously offered before placement.
AbSec and our partners acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout NSW and their continuing connections to land, waters, and communities. We also acknowledge the lands on which these stories were told, the lands of the Dharawal, Yuin and Wonnarua people.
We acknowledge the Elders, leaders and advocates that have led the way and continue to fight for our children. We also acknowledge the Stolen Generations who never came home and the ongoing impact of government policy and practice on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, young people and families.
This website shares the experiences and advice of Aboriginal families involved in the NSW child protection system who participated in the Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research at UNSW. We acknowledge and thank the families who generously gave permission to share their stories.
These experiences reflect what worked for those families and do not constitute advice or views of AbSec. AbSec recommends seeking independent legal advice for your own circumstances.
