“They called a meeting with myself and [baby]’s father. I had to sit there with the FACS worker and tell her that – how do I say it now? I’ve been doing this counselling and I take full responsibility of what’s happened with my children, and I take full responsibility of the DV. I acknowledge everything. I’m their mother, I should have protected them. But that’s where I stopped. I was just in tears and I was crying that much I was choking. Her father had to actually tell them to stop, to give me a minute because it was like I couldn’t breathe. The FACS worker turned around to me and said, thank you [parent] that’s what we’ve been waiting to hear.’”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
– Parent, BTHKTH research
Coercion means trying to force someone or a group to do or not do something by using threats or pressure. An individual can choose to use coercive control, like a partner. But systems can also be coercive, through people’s actions and the ways things are done.
“Then I gave birth, and then the next day they wanted to come into the hospital. They come into the hospital TCA forms, and then wanted me to sign over the kids for three months. I broke down… I wasn’t going to, and then the social worker from the hospital told me, she worried that if I didn’t sign these forms, they were going to come back with police and enforce it.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
“They told me it’s voluntary, which I took onboard. That was why I was going to not do it. But then the social worker’s saying they’re going to bring the police in. I was like, well, what do I do? I don’t want the kids forcibly taken from me.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
“They wanted me to basically say that he had hurt [child]. I’m not a liar. He never hurt her… But they said I had to say it, and I’m like, I can’t do that. They’re like, you need to get an AVO, or we are going to remove her – okay, well – they wanted me to get it right there and then and get it straight away.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
“If it wasn’t the department giving me ultimatums which kid, which kid, which kid, it was the youngest father’s – father and family doing it to me. So I spent 10 years making choices which kid I was going to have.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
Aboriginal parents have said to ‘play the game’ so that you can protect your kids as best as you can. Other Aboriginal parents have safeguarded their family from DCJ by pretending to agree with DCJ so they could keep a relationship with their children. It became clear to them that DCJ was not helping families to stay connected with their children, even though they are legally required to (section 12A of the Care Act).
Trent and Carly* pretended to separate when DCJ removed their children because they believed Trent was using violence against Carly, even though the couple insisted that he had not used violence. This plan was successful, and Carly soon had the children returned to her care. Carly was pregnant at the time and once the baby was born, Trent had to secretly visit his family.
*Not their real names.
“We also came up with a little scheme. I said, look, I bet you if I take off for a month, I bet you you’re getting the kids back. So, I took off for a month and, lo and behold, she was actually getting to see them and everything…yeah, that was horrible. I was jumping the fence, leaving at five o’clock in the morning, jumpin at 12 o’clock just to spend time with the newborn.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
Aboriginal parents have used a strategy called ‘strategic compliance.’ This is when they agree to do what DCJ is asking them to do or go above and beyond it, in their own way. Parents are not blindly following what DCJ says, or even agreeing with them, but understand what could happen if they do or don’t do what DCJ says or do even more than they are asking. This can be a hard decision for parents to make because it can feel like you are admitting to doing something wrong when that might not be what’s actually happening. But if you don’t do what they say, they might think you don’t agree with their safety concerns.
“It’s a hard fight. I’m not going to deny it in any way. It’ll break you in every way possible, but at the end of the day, you don’t give up on your kids, do you?… Just keep fighting. Keep ticking boxes. That’s all you can really do.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
AbSec and our partners acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout NSW and their continuing connections to land, waters, and communities. We also acknowledge the lands on which these stories were told, the lands of the Dharawal, Yuin and Wonnarua people.
We acknowledge the Elders, leaders and advocates that have led the way and continue to fight for our children. We also acknowledge the Stolen Generations who never came home and the ongoing impact of government policy and practice on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, young people and families.
This website shares the experiences and advice of Aboriginal families involved in the NSW child protection system who participated in the Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research at UNSW. We acknowledge and thank the families who generously gave permission to share their stories.
These experiences reflect what worked for those families and do not constitute advice or views of AbSec. AbSec recommends seeking independent legal advice for your own circumstances.
