“It’s a hard fight. I’m not going to deny it in any way. It’ll break you in every way possible, but at the end of the day, you don’t give up on your kids, do you? So just do what comes naturally, which is your human instinct. Just keep fighting. Keep ticking boxes. That’s all you can really do. Until the policies and procedures change or whatever else…You’ve got to just keep doing what you can. You’ve got to just tick the boxes. You have to. You’ve got no choice in the matter.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
– Parent, BTHKTH research
Only 2% of Aboriginal children were restored from out- of- home- care (including long-term Guardian Custody Orders) in NSW, as of 30 June 2022 (Family Matters Report, 2024). Aboriginal children who entered care before the age of two had the lowest chance of being returned home. For those who were restored, the process took a long time, on average about 866 days, which is nearly two and a half years (Bring them home, keep them home 2024). There are many strong Aboriginal Mothers, Fathers, and family members fighting the same fight. Advice from other parents is to never give up. One parent says:
“…don’t stop fighting, you don’t stop. If someone tells you no, go find someone else. You need to keep fighting, and you’re going to find eventually – as hard as it is and as hard as it is to keep going – you’re eventually going to find someone that says, we can help you. You can’t listen to the government people that say that you’re not good enough.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
Aboriginal parents have said to ‘play the game’ so that you can protect your kids as best as you can. Other Aboriginal parents have safeguarded their family from DCJ by pretending to agree with DCJ so they could keep a relationship with their children. It became clear to many parents that DCJ were not helping families to stay connected with their children, even though they are legally required to do so (Section 12A, Children and Young Persons (Care and Protection) Act 1998). One Mum and Dad pretended to separate when DCJ removed their children because DCJ believed Dad was using violence against Mum, even though the couple insisted that he had not used violence. This plan was successful, and Mum soon had the children returned to her care. Mum was pregnant at the time and once the baby was born, Dad had to secretly visit his family.
“We also came up with a little scheme. I said, look, I bet you if I take off for a month, I bet you you’re getting the kids back. So, I took off for a month and, lo and behold, she was actually getting to see them and everything…yeah, that was horrible. I was jumping the fence, leaving at five o’clock in the morning, jumpin at 12 o’clock just to spend time with the newborn.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
Families working together to be strategic
Aboriginal parents have used a strategy called ‘strategic compliance.’ This is when they agree to do what DCJ is asking them to do or go above and beyond it, in their own way. Parents are not blindly following what DCJ says, or even agreeing with them, but understand what could happen if they do or don’t do what DCJ says or do even more than they are asking. This can be a hard decision for parents to make because it can feel like you are admitting to doing something wrong when that might not be what’s truly happening. But if you don’t do what they say, they might think you don’t agree with their safety concerns.
“She would rather change schools… She said to me and mum, if I’m allowed to come and live with you before the end of the year, do you mind if I stay at nan’s just till I finish Year 7. I told [daughter] and spoke to my mum not to say anything to [agency] because they might think oh, well, we’ve got the rest of the year to just do this instead of trying to get it done.”
– Parent, Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research
DCJ’s ‘Interim Restoration Assessment Approach’ manual 2024* says “remember parental change may be incremental and is likely to have setbacks. A parent may start simply by being able to show they’re more reliable, more predictable, or better able to manage their emotional responses. They may also have episodes of lapse where behaviours re-emerge. Talk and plan openly with the parent and their network about how change is measured over time and how any setbacks may be managed.” This shows that DCJ want you to do what they want and behave in a way they think is good. If you choose, this is how other parents have played the game, by saying that you agree with what they are saying, staying in contact with them, and giving them the emotional responses they want.
*DCJ document not publicly available.
This is when a child who is in out-of-home care (OOHC) chooses to leave their placement, which often includes returning to their family home, against DCJ’s opinion or directions. This can show a clear ‘voice of the child’ and is one of the more common ways children and young people come home, with or without DCJ’s support.
AbSec and our partners acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout NSW and their continuing connections to land, waters, and communities. We also acknowledge the lands on which these stories were told, the lands of the Dharawal, Yuin and Wonnarua people.
We acknowledge the Elders, leaders and advocates that have led the way and continue to fight for our children. We also acknowledge the Stolen Generations who never came home and the ongoing impact of government policy and practice on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, young people and families.
This website shares the experiences and advice of Aboriginal families involved in the NSW child protection system who participated in the Bring Them Home, Keep Them Home research at UNSW. We acknowledge and thank the families who generously gave permission to share their stories.
These experiences reflect what worked for those families and do not constitute advice or views of AbSec. AbSec recommends seeking independent legal advice for your own circumstances.
